Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
