I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
