this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
