well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
