She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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