maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
