He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
