My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
