I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
