I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
