After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
