Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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