I hate all girls vehemently.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
