Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
