i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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