Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
