smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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