Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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