One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
