The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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