dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
