You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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