Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
