my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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