Don't make out with my wife yet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
