wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
