Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize