I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
