i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
