if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
