I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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