I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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