She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
