I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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