my phone needs a breathalizer
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
