He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
