he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
