So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize