I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
