A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
bring money and cleavage
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
