I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
