i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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