I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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