I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Damn victory sex feels great
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
