OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
another moral hangover. fuck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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