turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
