I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
