I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize