Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
