i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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