you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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