my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
