if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
