you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
