Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
