the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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