i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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