dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize