He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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