why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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