shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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