I skipped work to stalk him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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