Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
