This girl is more easily done than said...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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