You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
