Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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