he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
