If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
