It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
