i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
