Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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