I cannot find my penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Found your dick twin last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
