I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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