its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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