I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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