Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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