But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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