So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize