I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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