dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize