don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
