i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
