I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
