We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
