Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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