Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
