hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
