saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
