You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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