If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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