Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
