OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
