it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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