so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
