He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
