seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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