this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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