The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
