The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
