My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
