i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
