From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
