If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
