she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i out mim tonsoeep
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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