you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
