Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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