did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
