I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize