No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
