6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
