he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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