I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
