Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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