Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
