I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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