i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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